You Shine
by The Ultimate Girly Lesbian
Summary: Chase thinks about Cameron's exit from his life. Oneshot. Songfic - Brighter, by Paramore


**A/N: **So, although I don't hate Chase at all (like most Camteen writers do, lol), I'm not exactly a huge Chameron fan either. However, I was listening to this song and it made me think of them. By the way, the song is _Brighter_, by Paramore. Needless to say, I don't own either the lyrics to it, or Cameron and Chase.

Also, reviews make me happy. lol

* * *

I never thought it would end like this. It's true, before we got married, I was constantly afraid that you'd leave me. We had way too many come-and-go moments, mostly on your part, but a few can also be blamed on me. There were times when you'd start distancing yourself, and I'd feel I was loosing you, but then I'd go and do something pathetic to conquer you all over again, and it'd work, even if the pathetic thing was to pretend to let you go, only so that you'd come back on your own.

The one time I remember I did it more clearly is when I was about to propose to you. I wanted to wait for the perfect moment, for it all to be magical, but, before I had that chance, you started avoiding me. I felt you slipping through my fingers. So, instead of proposing, I broke up with you. And that led you to ask me to propose.

Still, I knew better than to be certain about us getting married after the proposal. You could always change your mind, until the very last minute. You could always run away, like you know you tend to do when things get too emotionally heavy for you, when you start to get attached. There could always be a glitch, and there was one. I tried to use the same tactic, to leave you and wait for you to come to me. And it worked, you did; and that made me feel incredibly selfish for taking that one thing from you. So it was me who folded in the end.

Because, even though my_ modus operandi _wasn't always the most correct, I did it all to have you with me. Everything I did, it was not to lose you. Because, since the first time I saw you, you've been my guiding light.

_So this is how it goes  
Well I, I would have never known  
And if it ends today  
I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone_

It was you, always you who showed me what to do or how to act or what to think. It was you who helped me trust myself enough to stand up for what I believed in. It was you who I looked up to, you who I tried to impress, to prove myself to. Who will wake me up with freshly made coffee if you're not here? Who will be my reason to keep going on, to try and be the best doctor, the best husband, the best person I can possibly be? Who will help me with all my insecurities? Who will remind me that I'm much more than an abused little child? Who will make me strong?

_Well, this is not your fault  
But if I'm without you  
Then I will feel so small  
And if you have to go  
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does._

Isn't it funny that I've always felt so jealous of House, of the adoration you nurtured for him, and when I act like him, you decide to leave the both of us? Isn't it ironical that, on one of the few times I was acting on impulse, that I was using the self-confidence that you helped raise in me, you blame my actions on House? Isn't it plain crazy that, while I could have tried to act like House to impress you years ago, I didn't, but when you think I did, it didn't impress you at all? Isn't it just so fucked up that, even though you're my wife, you're actually leaving because of him?

Still, I know I screwed up big, big time. Can't you see? That's why I didn't want to tell you anything! 'Cause I knew you'd leave me, and I couldn't stand that. I couldn't stand the look of despise in your eyes, as if I were a monster. You were the one to see some good in me, to show me the good things I had. Without you to do that, I can't see anything other than the weak-spirited man I've always thought I was. Do you really have to do that to me?

_Now I think we're taking this too far  
Don't you know that it's not this hard?  
Well, it's not this hard  
But if you take what's yours and I take mine  
Must we go there?  
Please, not this time. No, not this time._

I still think we could fix it. I think _I_ could fix it. As much as I try to see things from your point of view, I can't understand how you could condemn what I did, how it could be such a big deal for you. I can't see why it'd be reason enough to ruin our marriage. But I don't try reasoning with you. I don't ask you to stay, or to rethink the issue, or to give me another chance. I just let you go, as I've always done before.

_If you run away now,  
Will you come back around?  
And if you ran away,  
I'd still wave goodbye  
Watching you shine bright._

Somehow, this time it's different. I know it in my heart; you won't be coming back to me. It's still the same situation, the same thing that you did to me countless times, and actually, the same thing you did to House a few times as well: you're running away from us. You can't stand to be hurt, to be left, and I understand that. So you hurt, and you leave. But then you come back, because you need people. Not this time, though. You will still need people, but it's not me you'll want to be with. I'm not good enough for you anymore. I'm ruined. And I'm dark.

_You shine bright, you shine bright  
And I'll wave goodbye tonight._

As you walk out the door, I know all my light is gone.


End file.
